How to Mind Your Business

No, this isn't an intentionally snarky blog post. This is a way of life I have been trying to adapt to since I began to mature a bit in my early 20s. After a few years of therapy and getting familiar with my "triggers" and irritations, I learned, the hard way, one behavior I was doing that was truly holding me back from accessing the joy and mental peace I so badly wanted to achieve. I wasn't minding my business. I felt an urge to understand things, especially about others around me that I cared about, even when it was never my responsibility to understand.

We are human; of course, we all do this. But why? Are we setting ourselves, our relationships, and others we love up to fail? We are all living in our own projection and idea of the world going on around us. That meant starting with my own projection. For example, if someone was in a rush around me or a bit snappy, I immediately internalized their behavior by thinking I did something wrong or may have caused this. Does your mind ever go down the rabbit hole of "what did I do?". Mine too- still does, and because we're human, I'm afraid there may always be a rabbit hole for our minds to trick us into. Although, my hope is, if I get really really good at minding my business, the rabbit hole will get more shallow and more shallow with practice.

By no means am I suggesting that someone projecting their own bad mood or unhappiness is okay or vise versa, it is never okay. There should always be accountability when needed and grace when needed. My main goal is to get so good at minding my business, that it just doesn't affect me in a negative way and really renew my resilience.

A few questions I remind myself when I start getting irritated or offended by someone else:

1.) Do I genuinely believe I did something wrong?

2.) If my daughter, husband, or friend was in my shoes and explained the situation, what would I tell them? How would I comfort them? Don't I deserve to give myself that same validation and support?

3.) Is the issue or problem at hand mine to control? (If the answer is no, then the issue is not your business and you're giving away valuable energy)

Minding Your Business is Humbling

Minding your business is humbling and after a while, honestly really peaceful. I find that the more I mind my business, the happier and less stressed I am. No matter how hard you work, someone is always going to judge you. On the other hand, if you have to work hard in order to get someone not to judge you, know they planned on doing it either way. But that's also the good news, because their opinion of you wasn't your business to start with.

Why do we feel this responsibility to always have an opinion about what others are doing, saying or living? Don't get me wrong here, I do have many opinions about living in an emotionally healthy environment and safety. Minding my business means I know when to share my opinion, how it can be helpful, and keeping it to myself when my opinion isn't anyone else's business.

After practicing this mindset, I now find it hard to understand why we feel the need to constantly have an opinion. More so, why we project these opinions onto others who never asked for them. I can honestly say, learning to identify when my opinion was helpful and not helpful, has radically changed my relationships in a positive way. If we listen only to respond, were we ever truly listening in the first place? After hearing a loved one or friend vent to me, I've really tried to practice asking open-ended questions in response rather than just starting out with "well, my opinion is..." or "well in my experience". Again, there is a time and place for responding with our personal experiences, but I'm afraid they are less often than we might think. What we do to others when we respond with our unsolicited opinion on their personal issue that isn't our business(unless they ask), is discount the very thing they may be needing help or guidance with.

Learning that many of my opinions were formed by my own personal experience and my own ego made me realize that they weren't as important as they once were. All in all, I've learned that I have a much more peaceful life and loving relationships because I'm making habits out of minding my business, a.k.a. my wellness. Realizing that others' problems and trials are not my responsibility to solve, and that my energy is so precious and needs to be reserved for the things in life that are my business: my faith, my marriage, my daughter, family, and my own peace.

I’d love to hear your thoughts! What are some of your favorite open-ended questions to ask when a loved one is venting or struggling?